When two people get married and have children, usually the last thing on their mind is ending the relationship. More often than not they have the best intentions of staying together for the long haul and raising their children together as a family.
For many different reasons, however, a high number of married couples with kids end in divorce. It’s a disappointing and challenging experience for many, and a lot of variables can come up which make things even more difficult than they need to be.
Since there is no handbook which applies to how to handle everyone’s particular circumstances surrounding divorce, a lot of divorcing parents can fall into making mistakes during the process. Here are some of the most common and what you can do to avoid them.
Bad Mouthing The Other Parent
If your breakup is less than amicable, you may find yourself wanting to speak freely about how angry you are with the other parent. Unfortunately, this isn’t healthy for the kids to hear.
Many parents may think that if they are speaking in the other room or talk with a low voice when bad mouthing the other parent that the kids won’t understand. While this may be true for very young children, usually older children figure it out quickly.
As a result, kids feel torn and forced to choose a side. It’s best to never speak poorly of the other parent in the presence of the kids. They’ll figure things out on their own at an older age if someone is indeed to blame in the situation.
Dating Too Soon
Even though you may be eager to jump back into the dating pool and find true love after such disappointment, it’s important to remember that there isn’t any rush.
Rather than dating immediately, try to give yourself time to grieve. If you’re still carrying anger or disappointment about your last relationship, you’ll end up carrying it on to the next. Your children may not be ready to accept someone new into the picture either. You’re better off taking your time.
Even though you may have wanted your marriage and family to last the way that you hoped it would, it doesn’t mean that you’re a failure. Relationships have an expiration date sometimes, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.
People evolve, relationships transform, and life goes on. Don’t lose hope and don’t blame it on yourself. As long as you have the best intentions of being the best parent possible, you can’t lose.
Focus on your kids and helping them be the best version of themselves and there is nothing to feel badly about beyond that.